The Vasectomy: A Cyclist’s Nightmare

I am officially on the disabled list.  I’m sitting in my living room, mildly drugged up on Xanax, Oxy-sumpin’-or-other, and Percocet.  This morning I had a vasectomy and now I’m forced to take it easy and recover for a few days.  I’ve had such a good and consistent winter of training, that it seems odd to not be allowed to ride for a week.  But, better to get it over with now than in the middle of the season.

Right now, I can’t really feel any discomfort.  I’m not sure if it hasn’t set in yet or whether the pain killers are just doing their job.

James Knott recovers from his vasectomy

This is where I am camping out for the next couple of days. I got my laptop, netflix and some studying to do. I should be good to go, but man I hate sitting still this much.

My wife, Chrissy, kept asking me whether I was nervous or anxious about getting it done and I kept telling her “no”, but that wasn’t completely true.  There was the bazaar feeling of the pre-surgery shave I gave myself.  I had to clear the forest to to let some sunlight in for the doc.  Also, I was a little uncomfortable with the idea of a room full of doctors and nurses staring at my naughty bits.  You know that thing down there sometimes has a mind of it’s own.  What if it decided to give the doctor a proper salute during the middle of the surgery?

But, what probably filled me with the most anxiety was the thought of sitting on my bike seat again.  It’s hard to imagine a surgery that could be in a worse place for a cyclist.  Nothing like sitting on your incision for a bumpy two-hour ride through the woods.  How many days will it take to heal?  If I go to soon will it just be painful or will I be in danger of screwing things up in the ol’ the twigs and berries.  I’m told that it will probably be a week before I can attempt to ride again, but it could be more. At that point, I’m supposed to ease back into it.  Should I just ride standing up?

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The operating table for my vasectomy

This is the place where I lost my fertility. I guess my dream of breeding my own mountain bike race team is officially over.

Doing this is something that has been on my mind for a while.  I love my kids and I’ve been blessed with two boys who I couldn’t be more proud of.  They are healthy, active, creative and smart, and I feel like I really won the lottery.  That being said, I want to focus on quality, not quantity in my parenting.  I’ll get to spend a little more time with each kid if I only have two.  I had one brother and my wife had one sister, so maybe having two just feels natural to us.

James Knott on the operating table

Yeah doc, I’m relaxed. Wait, what was the sharp poke? Ouch! I guess the local anesthetic hasn’t kicked in yet.

This vasectomy is actually a good long-term investment for my cycling as well.  With fewer kids under my roof I will have more time to ride as they get into school and want to spend more time with friends.  I’ll be left at home with my bike more often.  Furthermore, with only two kids, I have less that I need to save for college educations, which means that I will have more money in the bike budget.  Now that the youngest is out of diapers, I can finally start saving for a fat bike …or a singlespeed …or a cyclocross bike ….or a cruiser.  You get the picture.

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James Knott is waiting to be operated on.

This was my view during the procedure. I’m not wearing any pants under there.

Even though I am stuck in my living room, that doesn’t mean I can’t make progress towards my cycling goals.  There is a lot I can do.  I can dream about my bike tour across Ohio in May and figure out the logistics.  I can plan my approach to being a captain for Breakaway Quickdirt mountain bike race team.  I can browse the web for cool races and events and tweak my summer schedule a little.  And pretty soon, if I keep myself distracted, it’ll be time to get back on the bike again.

…hopefully without fear of my saddle.

James Knott in the surgery room.

On a side note, the surgery wasn’t really that bad. For any guy thinking about doing it, you will survive. Who knows? You might actually like it. 🙂

Have you had a vasectomy?  How did it affect your cycling?  Did it take a while to feel back to normal?  What surgery have you had that took you off the trails for a while?

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6 thoughts on “The Vasectomy: A Cyclist’s Nightmare

  1. My only suggestion from experience is take it easier than you ever would expect. I took my time (5 weeks) before getting in the saddle. Everything seemed fine on the ride. A few days later I was lifting a few semi heavy boxes in the garage and felt like I tweaked something down under. Next morning I woke up to a swollen knot the size of a walnut right next to Righty with pain shooting up into my abs. Turned out to be a some kind of weird/late show hematoma. Doc said it was super rare but in some cases they occured about 6 weeks out of surgery. Had to take it super easy for a week or two and honeslty felt way worse than surgery/post surgery. Couldn’t hardly walk for a couple days. Hope that doesn’t happen to you cause it freaking sucks. All this to say take it easier than you think. The Boys can be touchy.

    • Thanks for the advice. I’m going to have a hard time taking it easy. I’m not the kind of person who likes to sit still. I’m trying though.

  2. Thinking about doing the same and curious about your recovery. How soon were you back on the bike, and did you notice any pain then?

  3. Been 2 weeks since mine. When I get in the saddle everything feels fine, then suddenly I feel a sharp pinching pain high up in the plumbing where the saddle meeds the choda area. Not a testicle or the opening, it feels different. Not sure what’s causing it, but it it’s not pleasant and is keeping me off the bike for now…

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